Mission 6: The Science Carpetbomber

GOAL: Deliver four science landers to Minmus and bring back ALL OF THE SCIENCE.
CREW MANIFEST:
- Bursted Kerman, Chief Scientist
- Lenfield Kerman, Human Resources
- Bartcas Kerman, The Dude
- Merrie Kerman, Chief Badass
OUTCOMES:
- Brought back about 2,700 science! It's not all of the science, but it's most of it.
- Delivered a probe to scan Minmus for Kethane.
- Merrie crashed his lander, but did an EVA back up to the space station like a true badass.
NOTES: There is now a lot of debris floating around Minmus. Might need to clean that up pretty soon.

MISSION LOG

Once again, we got video footage this time around. We've sped it up about 6x for your viewing pleasure, and overlaid some narration so you have a better sense of what's going on.

As you might recall, in the previous video log I mentioned that it might be possible to EVA off the surface of Minmus. Turns out it is. Fast forward to around the 19 minute mark if you want to see Merrie crash his lander and then do an EVA from the surface of Minmus back to the Minmus Science Depot (at a 150km orbit)!

Mission 5: Minmus Science Depot

GOAL: Set up a science depot around Minmus.
OUTCOME: Successfully got the depot into orbit, with 6 years of food ready to go!
NOTES: Don't forget to replenish the Kerbals' life support when it's all done.

MISSION LOG

Mission 4: Bursted's Mun Checker

GOAL: Land on the Mun. Check it out.
OUTCOME: Landed on the Mun 3 times, just for good measure.
NOTES: There's a lot of science floating around out there. We will need to plan for MORE SCIENCE in the future! And more struts.

MISSION LOG

After some head scratching, we realized something that seems obvious in retrospect. If we could fly to the Mun with one rocket, doesn't it stand to reason that if we use four rockets (at once), we should be able to land on it and then come home? Well, that's exwhat we plan to do in this mission.

Since Bursted did such a good job on the last mission, we decided to give him the wheel on this one, too. Naturally, he named the ship after himself, because he's an egotistical son of a bitch. But still, we don't pay him, so we'll consider this naming gift as compensation. Presenting: BURSTED'S MUN CHECKER!

Over-engineered to CHECK THE MUN. For things.

The launch went beautifully. With as wobbly as our last rocket was, we have started investigating a new technology called "struts". The idea is, if we attach two parts of the rocket to one another, they probably won't flap around like a scarf in the breeze. It seemed to work.

PREPARE YOUR BODY FOR SCIENCE!

We also used some "fins" which, our engineers tell us, are used to point the rocket in the right direction. Less fun, but more efficient, I suppose. The ship pretty easily made it into orbit, with quite a lot of fuel to spare. Looked like we were going to make it!

BURN THAT PROGRADE!

Pretty soon, Bursted had the rocket on a collision course perfect trajectory to arrive at the Mun with a fairly low periapsis. All we had to do from there was wait for him to arrive.

Not so fast, Mun.

He found a nice-looking giant crater and steered his way toward it.

STOP. Crater time.

By the time Bursted arrived, he had so damn much fuel left that he still had his transfer stage attached to his lander. Fortunately we thought ahead and put an extra set of landing gear on that stage, just in case. Bursted was just going to have to land a significantly taller craft than originally planned.

GET IT TOGETHER, BURSTED.

It turned out the landing gear was the same length as the engines, so Bursted MIGHT have used the engines as landing gear. Good thing we... uh... yeah I got nothing.

SUCCESS.

Bursted slapped a flag down to mark our future colonization spot and posed for our first picture from another celestial body.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT CHEESE IS.

After doing some science, Bursted realized that with this much fuel in the lander, he could probably make another trip to a different part of the Mun. Hey, WHY NOT?

ONWARD AND UPWARD and then sideways and back down.

This looks like a nice 20 degree incline to land on!

LANDING #2: NAILED IT.

Bursted found a nice spot just east of the crater he first landed in and did a crapload of science there. But then he realized that he still had WAY too much fuel in the lander. TIME FOR SPOT NUMBER 3!

Now THIS is a lander.

Bursted remembered some weird-looking twin craters that he spotted on the way in. Why not check those out?

Always wanted to land on twins.

At this point, Bursted had just enough fuel that he should be able to return to Kerbin (and slow himself down enough to not burn up in the atmosphere). So he finished up his science and brought all the data into the capsule. Hey, no need to lug all this science equipment back to Kerbin!

That's a lot of science. If this ship crashes... Fuck.

Upon burning to exit the Mun's sphere of influence, Bursted got a bit excited and pre-emptively decoupled the outer engines of the lander while they were still burning at full throttle. There were a few explosions, but nobody got hurt in the end.

You look concerned, Bursted. Is something... AMISS?

HEADIN' HOME!

 After one trip around Kerbin for some aerobraking, Bursted was finally ready to land.

And, as is his custom, Bursted landed in the mountains again.

MOON.

With all the science we got from this mission, we're going to have to up the ante next time around. How about... Oh, I don't know... How about a Minmus space station? There's tons of science to acquire on Minmus, and we'll need a BASE OF OPERATIONS!

SCIENCE, BITCHES!

Once we wrap up our Minmus Science Expedition (next mission), we should have all the KNOWLEDGE we'll need to be able to start colonizing things. Starting with THAT DAMNED MUN.

Mission 3: The Learningmobile

GOAL: Try out some of our new science equipment for MAXIMUM LEARNING!
OUTCOME: Accidentally went to the Mun.
NOTES: With more boosters, we might be able to PURPOSELY go to the Mun.

MISSION LOG

After that successful orbit, our boys in the lab thought it might be cool to take "equipment" up into space and do "experiments." According to them, if we gain enough science knowledge, we'll be able to build extravagantly huge rockets. Well, I'm all for anything that leads to bigger and better explosions missions, so we gave them the go ahead.

They put some "materials" into canisters and found some "mystery goo" on the side of the road and integrated those things into our old rocket design. The idea is, we'll go up into space, then look at that crap, and take some notes. We call it THE LEARNINGMOBILE.

TIME TO LEARN. FAST.

We've never thought about adding extra stuff to the top of the rocket before, so we added a bunch of engines to the bottom to "balance it out." Seems like pretty sound reasoning. The lab boys didn't want us using SRBs on this mission because they wanted to preserve their precious experiments.

Jeb was in some hot water with his lady back home, so we had to have our old friend BURSTED KERMAN fill in for him. Did I say "old friend"? I meant "one of the interns from the lab".

Bursted, there is nothing to be concerned about.

The rocket was incredibly unstable fun to fly, as it kept trying to spin rapidly in circles. Bursted kept it under control like a bucking bronco and eventually made it into orbit. But once he got there, he had tons of fuel left and some extra materials left over from his experiments, so he made the judgment call to swing by the Mun and take a peek. He even managed to set a course that would bring him right back near Kerbin, so he would have plenty of fuel left over for re-entry!

Come here, Mun. Prepare for tickles.

By the time he got there, Bursted realized that he was going to have to bring all that vital science data into the capsule for safe keeping. 

FILL ME UP WITH KNOWLEDGE

Because, well... we forgot to put heat shields on the science capsules. SOOOOO... They're probably going to explode upon reentry.

Where we're going, we won't need engines. Or whatever that was that just exploded.

Yep, that happened. Bursted still got the damn thing under control though, and ended up making a nice landing in the Mountains. And by "nice" I mean "oddly fiery".

It was deliberate.

But anyway, we gained a SHITLOAD of brain juice this time around, so we're going to put all that new technology to use on our next mission. Next stop: THE MUN.

I claim these mountains IN THE NAME OF THE KERBAL CONQUEST PROGRAM!

Mission 2: The Jebedorbiter

MISSION GOAL: Make Jeb go really fast around Kerbin.
MISSION RESULT: SUCCESS.
NOTES: Use more boosters next time.

MISSION LOG

Our engineers have been burning the midnight candles. Or whatever the hell the saying is. They've come up with this concept called the "liquid fuel engine". Apparently there's some kind of pump involved... It gives us control over the throttle, which is a much different, more lame approach compared to SRBs, which burn full throttle all the time in true badass fashion.

But in the name of science, we'll hold off on the SRBs and make use of these new engines to see if we can use 'em to get Jeb into orbit. We call this new craft: THE JEBEDORBITER.

To improve your rocket, add shitloads of boosters underneath it.

Oh, did I say we'll hold off on the SRBs? What I meant was, we'll use seven gigantic ones and then stick some of that weenie liquid engine crap on top. Aside from being way bigger and therefore more badass than our last rocket, this design has the added benefit of being hard to maneuver and incredibly powerful. Our engineers have guessed that this thing will nearly burn up in the atmosphere as it's taking off, which will be sweet to watch.

The pride of Kerbin, thrusting hard into the sky in a Manley fashion.

We used the same ascent pattern as before, and Jeb ditched those SRBs like a sack of old potatoes once they ran out of fuel. I hate to admit it, but those liquid engines actually did a pretty good job.

Liquidy fresh.

With just two minutes until apoapsis (and therefore the start of the orbital burn), Jeb declared that he was going outside for some "fresh air." Turns out he was just taking a selfie.

@JebKerman #GravityCantHoldMeDown Amirite?

Eventually Jeb got his green ass back into the capsule and finished circularizing his orbit. We apparently over-engineered his rocket a bit, because he had WAY too much fuel left over by the time it was all done. According to Kerbals, leftover fuel at the end of a mission is a sign of weakness, because you could have used that fuel to burn something or fly really fast at/around/near something. 

Needless to say, Jeb will be on disciplinary leave after this mission, for his excess fuel issues.

BUT ANYWAYS. Orbit achieved.

AW YEAH GIRL LOOK AT DAT CIRCLE.

Nothing major to report on the landing, although Jeb did attempt to make his capsule backflip using its built-in reaction wheels. It worked. After a quick vote of the board of directors, we have removed Jeb's disciplinary leave due to the sweetness levels of the capsule backflip.

Mission 1: Jeb's Big Day

MISSION GOALS: Put Jeb on a rocket and see what happens. Acquire science.
MISSION RESULT: SUCCESS.
NOTES: Use more boosters next time.

MISSION LOG

This is our first mission as a space program, and frankly, we have no idea what the hell we're doing. We put our best engineers to the task of giving us some general guidance on parts we can use to build a spacecraft, and what they came up with was... Well, it was impressive.

They gave us a bunch of "Solid Rocket Boosters," which appear to be barrels of explosives with holes at the bottom. So we stacked four of 'em on top of each other, threw some decoupling heat shields in between like a hot bomb sandwich, and then slapped our ol' boy Jeb on top of the thing.

EXCELLENT. BUILT A ROCKET. How... How do we get it onto the launch pad?

Steve from Accounting argued that  since Jeb was probably going to die anyway, we might as well save on the parachute and leave it out. But Steve doesn't understand the words "unlimited funding," because Steve is a dumbass. So Jeb got his parachute.

JEB, PAY ATTENTION. What is so important over there?

Liftoff went smoothly as could be. It took Jeb a solid 30 seconds to realize his SAS wasn't turned on, but somehow the rocket didn't spin out of control during that time, even though we designed it to. Turns out this rocket science crap is harder than you'd think.

Is it supposed to get shorter the longer we go?

When Jeb hit the 10km mark, he suggested possibly turning the rocket at this point to "see what would happen", so we gave him the go ahead. Using math and science, we projected that Jeb would reach an altitude somewhere around 125 kilometers using this "turning the rocket" approach.

Wow. Such beauty. Such parabola.

Jeb even got a good view of the Mun once he got up there. He reported to mission control that it appeared to be taunting him and was "totally begging to be colonized."

You're next, you fat gray sphere. PREPARE YOUR CRATERS FOR GREEN FILLING.

Eventually Jeb's ship started falling back to Kerbin, and we weren't quite sure what to do. We sort of assumed he'd either explode on the launch pad or, once he got to space, would continue flying forever. We hadn't accounted for this anomalous scenario. And more importantly, we didn't have any kind of available heat shielding on the capsule, since we were using our heat shields as decouplers. No worries, though... Jeb thought on his feet and spun the rocket around, using the empty rocket booster as a heat shield. It slowed his descent enough that he was able to deploy the hotly debated parachute and make a safe landing.

Heat shields are for pussies. Jeb uses SRBs.

I've got my eye on you, Mun. DON'T THINK I'VE FORGOTTEN.

Upon landing, Jeb made it a point to test his space suit in the ocean. He also gathered some valuable science while he was there.

ACQUIRING SCIENCE KNOWLEDGE.

And there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. FIRST MISSION OF THE KERBAL CONQUEST PROGRAM WAS A RESOUNDING SUCCESS! We've gained some super valuable "science points" which, our engineers tell us, we can directly convert into useful knowledge, so we're going to go ahead and do that. And then we'll put Jeb into orbit.

IT BEGINS.

All right, folks. We've received an executive order from President Kerman that Kerbin is overpopulated, and we need to start sending our Kerbals far and wide into the great beyond. Now, you may be thinking, "But Kerbin only has one city! How could it be overpopulated?" Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe the President just wants all the snacks to himself.

In any case, the Kerbin World Government has generously provided us with unlimited funding to form our own space program and get this thing done. They've even provided us with a fancy flag to commemorate the occasion!

Hopefully that bright explosion-looking thing is a depiction of a successful landing on another planet, but honestly, we don't know enough about this crap to know what a "successful landing" even means. But we'll probably figure it out in good time. We've also been given a few rules of operation to make sure this thing goes smoothly.

THE KERBAL CONQUEST PROGRAM RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

RULE 1: A body isn't colonized until 10 kerbals are living on it with at least 10 years of snacks life support. That's 140 Kerbal Colonists in all!

RULE 2: Leave no Kerbal behind. If a Kerbal gets stuck/stranded, the Conquest program is put on hold until that Kerbal is rescued.

RULE 3: If a craft or debris is to be removed from orbit, it must be done manually. No clicking "Terminate" in the tracking station!

Well, ladies and gents, let's get this operation under way.